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"Kindness is a language that deaf hear and the blind can see." -Mark Twain
Every new school year I start by talking about the year ahead and the power of kindness. So many people, and especially teenagers, don’t realize the true power that comes with kindness. Throughout the course of my teaching career I have witnessed that genuine kindness is really the most powerful force you can use to earn the love and respect of the most challenging students and classes: I believe love and kindness always win. When I look back on my own life, I think about the individuals who were kind to me. They were the ones that encouraged me to move forward, who helped me to self- reflect and grow. It was their kindness and grace that gave me the power to persevere through adversity. How beautiful a day can be when kindness touches the heart.
In a high school setting, time and time again you see teenagers thinking that real power comes from fear and intimidation. However, in the long run that's furthest from the truth; that's not real power, and the individual who takes this route usually has many doors closed to them because of their attitude and lack of self control.
"Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body." Proverbs 16:24
As I walked through my medical issues (brain aneurysms) a few years back, I was in awe by the kindness and extension of God’s love and grace I received through others. Some of the moments through my diagnosis and first brain surgery were so over- the-top difficult, but through God's grace, the kindness, prayers and encouragement of others I was able to push through and return to a state of peace.
Have you ever experienced an act of kindness that stopped you in your tracks and turned your day around? Maybe a time when someone was kind to you when you didn't even deserve their kindness or grace? Unmerited grace and kindness is a beautiful thing to experience. It has the power to soften even the most hardened heart.
Think of someone in your life right now who you know could use an act of kindness. Call them, send them a text, a card, or do them a favor to lighten their load in some way.
Anger: The Ultimate Puppet Master
So often I see teenagers confuse anger with a form of strength. They think by getting angry quickly and walking around with a chip on their shoulder they're displaying power. Being quick to anger is actually a sign of weakness, a weakness I myself at times have been guilty of. It’s a lifetime struggle, but something that’s worth working on. In the classroom setting I’m sometimes so surprised how much power a student will hand over to me and others by constantly letting anger get the best of them. They allow others to press their trigger buttons and they become puppets right in front of my eyes.
"A quick temper will make a fool of you soon enough" -Bruce Lee
I love this quote by Bruce Lee, one of the worlds most amazing martial artists. He knew that unchecked passion and a lack of control over your temper would ultimately make one behave foolishly. True power comes from controlling your mind, spirit (and temper). True wisdom comes from knowing which things do not warrant a reaction, and which things are worth fighting for.
Are you easily angered by others? Is there someone you admire the way they deal with triggers?
I received a piece of advice that I carry with me wherever I go: when you're not sure how to do something, stand behind someone who does. Find a point of reference, in this case someone who is slow to anger, and notice how they manage their feelings during conflicts.
With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility
This is my Spiderman speech, one I've given to countless students during my 20+ year teaching career. It is Marvel Studio's reinterpretation of Luke 12:48 -- "To whom much has been given, much will be required." Some of us never asked to be leaders, but are born to be nevertheless. The gift of leadership needs to be taken seriously because it truly can have an enormous impact on our families, schools, and society at large.
I will never forget my freshman year of High School. My mother was not happy with some of the friendships I had and their influence on me. She pretty much gave me the ultimatum that if I didn’t make new friends I would be forced to go live with my aunt and attend a different school. I was devastated. I did make new friends (like she demanded), but also began to admire an upperclassman, a girl who I can honestly say changed my perspective on life. Renee didn’t even really know me at the time, but I knew her: she was smart, kind, popular, and very active in school. She was co-junior & senior class president, and worked really hard at making each school year fun and memorable. I wanted to be like her, so in my junior and senior years I too ran for class co-president, and won. Just recently I attended an event honoring Renee's many contributions to our community, and had the opportunity to share with her just how she impacted my life. Without knowing it she had inspired me to step out and into the service of others.
Year after year I see students in my classroom who have leadership qualities like Renee, but are doing such negative things with these gifts. As a result they have a group of peers following them down a path that leads to regret. As a mother and teacher I am fully aware I have people watching me, and I have the responsibility to be a good example. So because I know my words and actions count I really try to speak and act responsibly. How could I not, I love my kids and my students, so I want to be the very best example I can be. Do I make mistakes? Absolutely. But I keep doing my best. So, whether you asked for it or not, you are a leader. We all are. Our words and actions influence others. The only question is: where are we leading them?
“Don’t lead other people into things you ought not to lead them into. Don’t cause others to stumble" -Ravi Zacharius
As you self-reflect, ask yourself these questions:
- Are you a "Renee" (someone who inspires others with what you say or do)?
- Or are you leading people down a dark path?
- How can you be a better leader with the people you interact with daily (or even casually)?
- What do you need to change about yourself to be a better role-model for others?
Be disciplined, but also patient with yourself: we are all works in progress!
What I've Learned Working with Teenagers....
Sand Paper People Are Meant to Refine You
Have you ever met someone who just rubs you the wrong way? Of course you have. We all have, and it stinks when it’s someone really close to you like a family member, colleague, or student in your class. Relationships are a part of life, and some relationships you can’t escape. As a teacher, every summer before the school year begins I pray for the students God will entrust to me. I pray He only gives me what I can handle and who I can help. I know every year is a new beginning, a fresh start to apply what I learned the year before. I love how every class has it’s own personality and chemistry, and every individual in the classroom has influence: even the students who sit there quietly and never say a word impact our environment.
“There have been meetings of only a moment which have left impressions for life, for eternity. No one can understand that mysterious thing we call influence…yet…everyone of us continually exerts influence, either to heal, to bless, to leave marks of beauty; or to wound, to hurt, to poison, to stain other lives." -J. R. Miller
As I survey my classes during the first few weeks of school I can begin to see those individuals whom I have to really watch and be mindful of in the area of influence. Even in my personal life I try to be mindful of myself and those around me. In the classroom setting sometimes things can come to a head and I must step in if someone’s actions are negatively affecting the classroom setting. I strive to approach from a place of love, and not to confront someone publically. I go with the old “can you step outside” approach. In the classroom it’s easy to do but I often fail miserably at home because the setting and players are so different. When things get rough and the “sand paper people" are just wearing you down the best place to fall is on your knees in prayer.
“They need you to not be on their backs, not be up in their faces, but be down on your knees. Assume a new fighting position.” -Priscilla Shirer
So I pray. I pray for the sand paper people in my life, and it always helps. I know those individuals from whom I cannot escape are meant to refine me. In the words of my Pastor, "we are meant to learn something from them, and they from us." I know I struggle sometimes accepting others for who they are at the moment, just as I struggle accepting myself with all my short comings. I lack patience. So if I am a sand paper person in your life or if you’re one in mine lets pray together that we refine each other, lets smooth things out. Pray for your sand paper people- prayer can change everything.
Who is a sand paper person in your life?
Is it someone you must deal with and can't avoid? If so, what could you do to make interactions with them less painful? What can you learn from them?